माय pray

God, Father, I did what You wanted, I did what You said. I wanted to do it right, so I asked others and followed examples. I wanted everything perfect so I worked and fought laziness. I tried everything, but in doing so I stopped hearing Your voice. I tried to listen, but I was so busy with trying to follow You I did not allow time for hearing. I did a lot, I tried to follow, but in the end it really was for naught. You've taken something from me that I thought was mine to hold, to cherish, to love like You loved me. For some reason You did not think that was good and right. In the beginning, I thought you were wrong. I wept and yelled. I thought, because I had not heard Your voice, that You wanted to punish me. You scared me. Your punishment scared me. I am still silently fearful, but I know and read that You bless those who wrestle with You. Right now, I don't fell like a ...., I feel more like an exiled Esau. Bring me back and help me be content with what you have for me. Prepare me to walk in joy again. I let your peace rule in my heart this moment, continue plying me in the furnace of hardship. And when my faith fails catch me up before I burn.